The following poem is by Robyn Hammontree
i want to tell you how i survived it
was to pick up shattered pieces
glue them back with ease and
move on
i’d like to tell you i healed exactly right
that despite all the nights of lost sleep
my heart has always been mine to keep
but what good would it do: a story so untrue
how would it help if it happened to you
so instead I’ll tell you how I really survived it
a story of brokenness
of being awoken to this misery
in hopes that you’ll hear me clearly
i survived it in silence for five days
shut out the sun’s rays
turned off my phone and sat home alone
didn’t tell a soul for months
kept the story in for years
i survived it in fear
cried ten thousand tears
worried he’d show up here
and he did
i survived it by staying
by asking him to go away and when he didn’t
praying god would forgive me for being so weak
for not having the courage to seek help
i survived it enraged
feeling trapped in a cage
with hot showers lasting hours
and nights spent in closets
wondering what I’d said to cause it
i survived it in moments
with one step forward and two steps back
and just when it seemed like I was on track
panic attacks
i survived it in deep breaths
so that when my chest would tighten
and i’d be frightened i wouldn’t make it
i survived it by surviving it
by deciding not to quit
that no matter how the end looked
that this wasn’t it
i survived it with grace
by giving myself space to make mistakes
and learning how to write how I feel
by not erasing what’s real
i survived it with love
of friends and family and a man who treated me
like the warrior i had become
even before the battle was won
he said you’re surviving it
you’re alive and that’s
the greatest victory