I Avoided Romance Novels for Years and Now I'm Hooked

[image description: an open book on a dark table next to a bouquet of pink flowers.]
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My tagline for this blog is “for readers who like a literary sampler plate,” which I chose because I truly believe every genre has merit and that it’s valuable to read widely and diversely.

However, a while back I noticed there was a glaring gap in my books coverage on this blog and in my own reading life. Romance. If you’ve noticed its absence, you’re not wrong.

I started thinking about why that is. The truth is that until about two or so years ago, I subscribed to all the stereotypes about romance: that it was written by and for sexually unsatisfied housewives, the novels are formulaic and predictable, the dialogue is cheesy, it creates unrealistic expectations for real relationships, etc.

But how would I know any of that to be true or not if I didn’t actually read romance novels?

So I set out to see for myself. About a year ago I was doing some tedious task and had just finished the third of a series of intellectually and emotionally heavy––but necessary––books about race and social justice. While those books were absolutely worthwhile, I needed a break to ward off the ensuing depression.

I wanted something light, fun, and that wouldn’t make me think too hard. I was going for serious escapism––something that’s not unique to the romance genre and that I’ve sought out in other genres many times. I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for, so I went poking around the library and found Romancing the Duke by Tessa Dare.

I went into reading it with low expectations. I even texted two bookish friends who don’t read romance to let them know I was dipping my toe in the water and would live text them my reactions. They couldn’t wait to make fun of this book with me.

For all my talk of Off the Beaten Shelf being a non-judgment zone, I was a total hypocrite with this book. I was judgmental as fuck! Largely, the reactions I sent my friends were quotes where the protagonist and the duke were dirty talking each other or where the author was describing the duke’s hot, hard cock.

But about halfway through the book, I realized something… the reason I was making fun of the book wasn’t because the dialogue was actually bad or the sex scenes were poorly written. God knows there are male writers out there who write the MOST wretched sex scenes and they take home Pulitzers for their drivel and have been for decades. I realized me making fun of the book was a sort of defense mechanism. With all the judgmental comments I’d been hearing about the romance genre––particularly Regency romance––my entire life, especially from other book nerds, I kept thinking to myself, “What kind of person will I be if I actually like this book? Or worse, what kind of person would I be if I’m turned on by the sex scenes?”

Well, reader, I can tell you: a very happy person! When I finally allowed myself to enjoy the book without worrying what others would think, I started liking it. I finally saw where romance readers were coming from.

So, I checked out another Tessa Dare book: A Night to Surrender.

I enjoyed it as well. Which got me thinking even more…

Men write terrible sex scenes all the time and there are DOZENS of novels about old male college professors shacking up with hot young college girls and few members of the literati seem to think there’s anything wrong with those novels. Why is it that novels geared toward men’s sexual pleasure and romance is seen as canon, while novels geared toward women’s sexual pleasure and romance is seen as campy, stupid, and laughable?

The patriarchy, that’s why. Romance has historically been treated as a “lesser” genre, even to the point where a lot of indie bookstores don’t care mass market paperback romances. (Seriously, go into your local indie and see if they do. I bet more than a couple of you will find that they don’t.) And it occurred to me that women who malign the genre––myself included until recently––are suffering from internalized misogyny.

I also realized, as a newcomer to the genre, that now is a great time to start getting into romance because there are more diverse stories than ever. There are tons of excellent queer romance novels, including When Katie Met Cassidy by Camille Perri, which my book club is reading right now.

I’ve expanded my reading many times throughout my life and each time I’ve worked my way into a new genre, I’ve been SO glad I did. Back in high school, I only read the classics. In college, I started reading modern fiction and it rocked my world. After college, I started reading comics and, boy howdy, that’s been fun. As I honed in more on my own writing craft, I started reading more memoir, which I’d always avoided before because I thought, “This is just some random person writing about their life. Who cares?” I find this comical now since that’s what I write.

The thing is that every time I’ve opened my reading life to include a new genre, I haven’t regretted it. The only thing I regret now is that it took me so long to realize that romance is actually pretty cool.

Do you read romance? Why or why not? What’s your favorite romance novel? Tell me in the comments below!